There are times that you can't help but be overjoyed, births, marriages, a new house, new car, new job... all so full of promise of happiness. Births are my favorite, new babies are so wonderful and you feel the blessing of creation, the fragility of life that is before you. Such sweetness and goodness, no blemish on the spirit or soul.
Death is quite the opposite, isn't it? You feel the sadness and weight of regret, Time indeed heals the wounds but the sadness never quite goes away. Is that the way it is supposed to be? Does God not tell us in Phillipians 4:4- "Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS" ? Does it mean that we should always remember to be happy? I think it does. I know it is hard, but even in death, we can find something to be happy about. Especially if the person that has died is a Christian, there is the reason in itself to rejoice.
In the Christian faith, it is believed that all persons that die either go to Heaven or to Hell. I don't know much about Catholic faith, but there is purgatory for them, a waiting period if you will... and then you are dealt with and will go to the place that suits you best... hopefully Heaven. Now, I don't claim to know what is in the afterlife. I believe in Heaven. I believe that is whatever it is, whether it is a state of mind, an actual place... whatever it is... it is good enough for me. No one knows if there is an actual place or not. No one living here on earth can actually, factually state whether the spirit passes boundaries and lives on. No one.
So... Christians should rejoice when a loved on dies, right? Especially if they are Christians, right? If it were that easy.
When my father passed away, I was terribly sad for many years, his passing was sudden and brutal, and it left us all in a daze. It wouldn't have been one of those times that you could rejoice. But I have a feeling that when it says, "rejoice in the Lord always", that it really means it.
My mother is nearly 90 years old. She has been terribly sick for the last couple of years, we don't really expect her to make her birthday this year, even though it is this week. I am trying to prepare myself and my kids. Bracing for the worst, praying that God's will be done... which is so hard... but it is selfish for me to wish anything else. Really. I am selfish though, I want her to stay on for a while... but I just can't pray for that, no matter how selfish I am. I would never ask that she live longer. She is ready to go and has been for a while now. Some days she doesn't remember that she has been so bad and has energy and wants to get up and around, but those days have gotten fewer and further between. Since she was sick the first week of the year, it has been worse. She doesn't want to get up and dressed, she doesn't want to read, to eat... that is not how she wants to live. That isn't how any of us want her to live. It is time to let go, but that is so hard to do.
I was thinking last night about how she has been so vibrant for so many years. I have friends whose parents are much, much younger than my mother. Some of them are not doing well at all. One friend was telling me that her mother is something like 60 and is not able to do much of anything, she had a hard life, lived hard, and now is paying for it with her health. I thought how wonderful it has been for me that my mother has been so active and healthy for so long.
I'm the youngest in the family and have the youngest kid, when I was pregnant with my son, I was worried about my mother passing away and him not having the chance to know her... well, he's had 12 years, and for the most part, they have been very rich and rewarding. Even the past couple of years it has been good, even though he has seen such heartbreaking things like her not being able to get up because she was so sick, but... it has given him a respect for life that many of his friends don't know. He has see how precious it is to have someone that you love to be gravely ill, to sit with them and to nurse them and to comfort them. I am so proud of the way he is with her.
That is something that we should rejoice in.
Even though my heart is heavy with the knowledge that it won't be long, I am trying with my whole being to be joyous. I want to be, I have so much to be thankful for. I have had my mother for longer than many do, I have had two wonderful children that will remember their time with their grandmother, dearly. I have everything in life that I need... Blessed, Thankful, Joyous.
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